I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of. There are probably things I have done that I should be ashamed of that I don't even know about.
Growing up, watching people around me be incomprehensible, trying to absorb and make sense of it, and adjust, I made a lot of plans for the future. None of which have materialized, by the way….
For a long time I had the idea that if I was careful, I could manage to avoid making any mistakes that I could not reverse.
I kept the tiny little space inside that was me away from everything, unexposed and unexamined. I reasoned that if I could keep one corner clean, I could dust off the rest when I had time.
It was a childish plan, not allowing for how we are all Life's Bonzais.
A secret once exposed feels like an explosion, or on a good day, a hot air balloon, and yet the objective view is that whatever the secret is, within some parameters, there is someone in the room with something so similar as to include you back into the human race.
From "Who has a life that has turned out as expected" to "How in the hell did this happen", there is no escape.
Industries are built out of hiding the visible signs of tragedy, sadness, disappointment and poor choices. There isn't anything that works, no plastic surgery for life, no cosmetic effect, no vitamin, no diet, no makeover that is going to mask the simple truth of being human. It hurts.
Schadenfreude can't really take root if empathy is present. If I know I am connected to everyone else, that when I meet a sorrowing person, I am connected to their sorrow, and even if I am pleased with my life that day, I may well not be tomorrow, or even in a minute or two. Anywhere you may go, I may find myself, conversely, if I have found my way through, so can you.
Someday I hope to be able to move through change elegantly, adjust quickly without complaint or fury, to let go of the gone time and step into a now without drama.
I suspect that is as realistic as a hope I had as a child, though.
Growing up, watching people around me be incomprehensible, trying to absorb and make sense of it, and adjust, I made a lot of plans for the future. None of which have materialized, by the way….
For a long time I had the idea that if I was careful, I could manage to avoid making any mistakes that I could not reverse.
I kept the tiny little space inside that was me away from everything, unexposed and unexamined. I reasoned that if I could keep one corner clean, I could dust off the rest when I had time.
It was a childish plan, not allowing for how we are all Life's Bonzais.
A secret once exposed feels like an explosion, or on a good day, a hot air balloon, and yet the objective view is that whatever the secret is, within some parameters, there is someone in the room with something so similar as to include you back into the human race.
From "Who has a life that has turned out as expected" to "How in the hell did this happen", there is no escape.
Industries are built out of hiding the visible signs of tragedy, sadness, disappointment and poor choices. There isn't anything that works, no plastic surgery for life, no cosmetic effect, no vitamin, no diet, no makeover that is going to mask the simple truth of being human. It hurts.
Schadenfreude can't really take root if empathy is present. If I know I am connected to everyone else, that when I meet a sorrowing person, I am connected to their sorrow, and even if I am pleased with my life that day, I may well not be tomorrow, or even in a minute or two. Anywhere you may go, I may find myself, conversely, if I have found my way through, so can you.
Someday I hope to be able to move through change elegantly, adjust quickly without complaint or fury, to let go of the gone time and step into a now without drama.
I suspect that is as realistic as a hope I had as a child, though.
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