In spite of the title, this is not a post about romance, missed or encountered, I really haven't been able to sleep. I figure sooner or later I will, probably about 2 hours after I have gotten on the road again, I'll have to pull over and sleep in a rest area, why that would feel restful to me, I have never quite understood.
There are thunderstorms here and warnings of tornadoes across the route I had planned to take, so I'm waiting until Monday to head out.
In the meantime, In the 'now", Chicago continues to be a pleasant place to be. I'm not sure how pleasant it would be if I weren't in benevolent and entertaining company, and when people say "Stay as long as you like" it's a temptation to settle in.
There are moments when I am in touch with the dreamlike quality of life; how it is possible to be anchored to some idea and stepping away from it loosens its grip. This is probably only true when things are going well. I can see how this tenuous experience of floatiness could easily turn back into homesickness or panic, but I really want to unravel the garments I have been wearing for so long before I go back. I have always got the fantasy running of tripping over some other life, the life I missed, the life I was supposed to live and didn't know about it. My home in NH is embedded in me, I have spent so much time there, so much time alone, so much time on the property, not even going out except for supplies, my main contact with the outside world being Facebook, that being away from it has a naked quality. I know the place is being lived in and that is good, I worry about my cat, and that's probably needless. Lack of sleep bring up all the weaknesses in my thinking from the basement where I try to ignore them most of the time. As an astrologer, I know that Mars going through the 12th house stirs up the unconscious in a ruthless and energetic way; I am feeling it.
The simplicity of what one can carry on a trip puts me in touch with getting things done that I would not be getting around to at home. I brought with me an old jacket and some bits of silk that I have been meaning to combine, and being here for a week, I got it done, using borrowed needle & thread. Here's how it came out.
I had forgotten that I enjoyed this kind of project in my quest for order, more technology [sergers] and either less practical things [painting] or more routine [doing the dump runs & vacuuming].
There are thunderstorms here and warnings of tornadoes across the route I had planned to take, so I'm waiting until Monday to head out.
In the meantime, In the 'now", Chicago continues to be a pleasant place to be. I'm not sure how pleasant it would be if I weren't in benevolent and entertaining company, and when people say "Stay as long as you like" it's a temptation to settle in.
There are moments when I am in touch with the dreamlike quality of life; how it is possible to be anchored to some idea and stepping away from it loosens its grip. This is probably only true when things are going well. I can see how this tenuous experience of floatiness could easily turn back into homesickness or panic, but I really want to unravel the garments I have been wearing for so long before I go back. I have always got the fantasy running of tripping over some other life, the life I missed, the life I was supposed to live and didn't know about it. My home in NH is embedded in me, I have spent so much time there, so much time alone, so much time on the property, not even going out except for supplies, my main contact with the outside world being Facebook, that being away from it has a naked quality. I know the place is being lived in and that is good, I worry about my cat, and that's probably needless. Lack of sleep bring up all the weaknesses in my thinking from the basement where I try to ignore them most of the time. As an astrologer, I know that Mars going through the 12th house stirs up the unconscious in a ruthless and energetic way; I am feeling it.
The simplicity of what one can carry on a trip puts me in touch with getting things done that I would not be getting around to at home. I brought with me an old jacket and some bits of silk that I have been meaning to combine, and being here for a week, I got it done, using borrowed needle & thread. Here's how it came out.
I had forgotten that I enjoyed this kind of project in my quest for order, more technology [sergers] and either less practical things [painting] or more routine [doing the dump runs & vacuuming].
Thank you for sharing your voyage. I'm enjoying taking the trip with you
ReplyDeleteYou have always had an exceptionally creative way of putting fabrics together in things that otherwise would be 'the same.'
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